Surviving Summons

Whoof... what an exhausting week. To top it off, yesterday I was called to jury duty. Had to leave at 6:30 in the morning and drive an hour and a half to get to the county courthouse, only to be dismissed two hours later, most of which was waiting time. It wasn't a total bust, though. I was treated (or tortured, depending on how much coffee is in your system) to a video entitled "The Jury Selection Process and You," circa 1980's, if the hairstyles were any indication. It went something like this:

Narrator: "Hi, I'm (fill in some random "famous" person's name), and I'm here to teach you about the American justice system. Serving jury duty is both your right and your responsibility. In 1776, Thomas Jefferson wrote that blah blah blah, lots of crap about history."

(I am now looking down at the National Geographic in my lap.)

Sally: "I'm an ordinary hard working career mother with three children and a bad eighties hairdo. When I got my summons in the mail, I didn't understand what to do. I thought I would have to abandon my family and move into the courthouse for weeks. When the jury coordinator told me that I could go home every night, I was so happy and relieved and grateful for our American justice system. I didn't know anything about justice, so I decided I should start looking around to see what it all meant." (Image of Sally's head looking around superimposed over pictures of courthouses and scales of justice.)

Roberto (in a Latino accent): "Hi, I'm Roberto, and I don't speak English very well. I hit another man in the face and am now on trial for battery. Luckily, the American justice system let me choose to have a jury at my trail. Thank goodness for America, and its wonderful American justice system! Even thought I can't speak English very well, I was so grateful that all those people took time out of their lives to come sit on my jury."

That was about the gist of the video, or at least as much as I can remember through my early morning haze. (I think the end might have shown a floating jury summons while "Battle Hymn of the Republic" played in the background.) Has anyone else ever seen this thing? I wonder if it's a nationwide requirement to numb potential jurors with the same video. It reminded me, for you Gould Farm folks, of our fire safety training. "You have no time, NO TIME! You MUST GET OUT! Leave your toys, leave your pets, leave your grandma, and GET OUT!! Here is the most important thing for you to remember..." (Puts on his oxygen mask.) "Blrm en grmmph erng brpgreph!" And for you, Wirgin - "Fire is not light, it is dark! DARK!"

Which reminds me, here is my practical advice for the day, gleaned from a recent personal experience. Do not eat Bertie Bott's Every-Flavor Jelly Beans in the dark, when you can't identify the flavor. Just don't do it. I must have gotten a cursed box, because I had a run that went - pickle, sausage, pickle, black pepper, dirt, pickle, earthworm. I kept popping another in, desperately hoping that the next one would be a nice flavor to wipe out the others, but it never happened. If I had gotten vomit next, I think I would have. It's all fun and games until you get three pickles in a row...


Monster Library Student said...


We passed around boxes of Bertie Botts every flavor beans last time I was at GF. Should I be embarassed that I love pickle?

I had to go do jury duty in Pittsfield...I think I saw that same video and I had to laugh, I love that fire fighting video...who was the editor that ok'd the muffled talking with the mask on. I always feared that that was when he was giving the real life or death tips, and we were jipped! Ha ha! Great blog friend!

TSOldtimer said...

Hmm, jury duty. I almost had to do that once. In good old Pittsfield, too, no less. It wasn't until I got there that I found out it was cancelled. Too bad I missed the video. AND I missed the fire video, too, the last time we played it! Now I don't know what the most important thing to remember in a fire is!